Dear Mother,

After having spent a year of travel in pursuit of higher education, I write to you. Please do not regard the concerns I present in this letter as means of disrespect.

Never have I questioned the morals and values upon which you have raised me. And why should I? You've taught me to have the utmost respect for my peers and elders, you've taught me to respect myself equally so that I have not been fresh with boys, you've taught me to never settle for anything less than my personal standard of excellence... or did you?

As I have observed the world outside of my hometown I've come to speculate my upbringing from a less ignorant perspective. I feel as though what was taught as respect, was in fact submission. I've found in intellectual arguments with classmates, it is an extreme challenge to voice my opinion and stay true to it despite the counter-arguments. When I am treated unfairly, I do not know how to voice that it is wrong. I simply subdue... out of "respect." What was taught as self-respect, was in fact fear of spontaneity. Plenty of respectable young men have attempted to befriend me in hopes of introducing me to their world and potentially making me a part of it. However, I am skeptical of their character. I accuse them of trying to show me for promiscuous and that they want nothing more than a secretive rendezvous. I fail to find a suitor that is of interest and unpredictable character because I am uncomfortable with the idea of spontaneity. Finally, you taught me to never settle for anything less than my standard of excellence. You are only satisfied with it because it is, in fact, YOUR standard of perfection.

I understand the complexity of finding a solution to this issue. I understand that you believe that my upbringing was the only way to build a solid foundation for my success, and that may be true. However, I often find myself restless at night and discontent with things that I should be proud of. I don't want to be placed in this box. I don't want my personality to be overshadowed by who I am supposed to be. However, I don't know how else to make something of myself. Why can't it be that I am who I am, I believe in what I feel is most necessary to believe in, and I am still a success? I believe that it can't be so. As for which path I am to choose, I cannot yet tell.

Love always,

Your Eldest